Bonnie

Breakthrough Solutions

for Attention Deficit Disorder Adults

Bonnie Mincu

Senior Certified ADHD Coach

Get Training, Strategies and Insights

Ditch the “loser” self-talk and change the conversation!

Imagine two job candidates interviewing for the same entry level job.  Both are equally presentable and have the same credentials on their resume.

  • Candidate A says:  “I’m smart, eager to learn and willing to work hard.  But I can get overwhelmed and make careless mistakes.”
  • Candidate B says:  “I get overwhelmed and make careless mistakes.  But I’m smart, eager to learn and willing to work hard.”

Which candidate would you rather hire?

Far more employers would prefer Candidate A, who created a positive first impression.  Because she led with her strengths, by the time she mentioned her weaknesses, they were an afterthought.  Candidate B, on the other hand, created a negative impression right off the bat by defining herself by her weaknesses.

It’s easy to see how presenting yourself in a negative way to other people would undermine your success.  But what kind of picture do you present to yourself?

If you were a glass, would you see yourself as half-empty or half-full?

If you feel your life, value and character is defined by the negatives aspects of your ADD / ADHD, you may be bombarding yourself with negative put-downs every day.  Does your self-talk include “loser” messages like these?

  • “I won’t take that art class because I know I won’t do the assignments.”
  • “I won’t apply for that job because I know I don’t interview well.”
  • “I won’t try using that planning tool because I’m bad at planning.”

The fallacy in these kinds of statements lies in the assumption that there is some irrevocable fate that you must accept, which would necessarily prohibit you from moving forward.  Thinking this way creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

While past tendencies, bad habits and lack of skill may be facts, they don’t need to continue to define your future.  You can choose to change the picture.  Start by changing the conversation you are having with yourself.  Next time you catch yourself thinking why you can’t do something, ask yourself, “what CAN I do to achieve my goal?” 

  • I want to take that art class, so I need to carve out time in my calendar each week to do the assignments.
  • I want to get a better job, so I’ll get training to improve my interview skills.
  • I need to become good at planning, so I’ll practice using that new technique I learned and ask for feedback to get it right.

Granted, it’s often difficult to determine your own ADHD solutions without a roadmap.  You can get that with my Thrive with ADD Self-Coaching Workshop-in-a-box package.  Or consider custom ADHD Coaching.

Once you view your ADD challenges as problems to be solved rather than inevitable barriers, you can go from feeling frustrated to being fulfilled.

Start your Self-Image Makeover: What’s the last “loser” statement you told yourself that held you back?  How could you change it to create possibilities?   Please SHARE and COMMENT HERE!

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Author: Bonnie Mincu
Senior Certified ADHD Coach, Founder of "Thrive with ADD," Bonnie has been coaching adults with ADD / ADHD traits since 2001. She has developed numerous training programs to help with the challenges of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

Comments

    Hi Bonnie,
    Thanks for giving us the opportunity to speak up.

    I used to tell myself that I would never have a big team because I didn’t know how to recruit. I’m slowly changing that by saying I am learning how to become a better recruiter. I also used to say I can not ever become organized because all the paper clutter totally overwhelms me. but recently I have learned how to ask for help.
    Malkah Geller

    Bonnie Mincu

    Malkah, you got it! It almost always comes down to simply learning HOW. The big difference in the self-talk is going from “I can’t” to “I don’t know HOW yet(but I can learn!)”

    rosie r

    BUT even if I learn, I seem to ‘unlearn’ quite rapidly, or as soon as that particular project is over. Meanwhile everything that was on hold during the focussed time presents in even greater disarray afterwards… gloom gloom

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Bonnie, there are no words to express how deeply I’ve been affected by your blog! I’ve only read a few things, but they have created such a complete mind shift that the tears shed have washed away my struggles forever!

For the first time in my life I feel understood and hopeful that I can put some tools and systems in place to help me overcome!”

—Michelle near Seattle

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