BONNIE MINCU
Personal and Business Coach
for ADD - AD/HD Adults

This month, several of my coaching clients have made important break-throughs in getting their lives under control. But they identified an interesting phenomenon: uneasiness with their new, calm way of being. Without shifting their thinking, they were quickly in danger of sinking back into chaos.

Here are a couple of recent examples:

MARNIE'S PROBLEM: Chronic Lateness

Marnie was a successful artist and single mother. She served on several committees and had to chauffeur her 9-year old daughter to school and sports. Marnie's goal in hiring an ADD coach was to get over her chronic lateness in getting anywhere. Working with the TIME SENSE EXERCISE, Marnie was quickly able to determine the behavior behind her lateness and began to get to her destinations on time.

FAULTY THINKING: On-Time felt like "Wasted Time!"

Marnie found that arriving several minutes early to a meeting made her feel uneasy. She felt that she could have run one more errand in those minutes, and had to fight with her impulse to stop off one more place. Although doing the Time Sense Exercise made her aware that no errand took "only five minutes," she couldn't shake the frustration that arriving up to five minutes early was "wasting time."

Marnie needed to consider what her past pattern had created. Her own need to feel busy every minute led to others having to wait ten minutes or more for her on a regular basis. Her daughter was tense every time she had to go anywhere, embarrassed about the undeserved late reputation she suffered because of her mother. Although not a selfish person, Marnie was unthinkingly behaving as if her own needs were all that mattered.

THE SOLUTION: Keep Boredom Away

Marnie's boredom when faced with inactivity was the culprit. Instead of giving in to her instincts to do "one more thing," Marnie learned to always have reading material or a sketch pad with her. This way she could occupy her mind and stave off boredom for the few short moments when she arrived early and might have to wait.

GARRETT'S PROBLEM: Catching Up with Paperwork

Garrett, a doctor, worked full-time in a busy clinic. Although he thrived on his busy daily schedule, he never felt as efficient as his colleagues. He was terribly behind on his diagnostic reports, often staying at the clinic until 8:00 p.m. or later, even though the last client was gone by 4:30. His relationship with his wife was suffering as a result.

The situation came to a head when Garrett's boss gave him four days to catch up with the reports, or be fired. Garrett hired an ADD coach that day. Following a strategy to complete 16 hours of paperwork over the weekend, Garrett was heroically able to pull out of trouble. He then spent the next two weeks improving his overall work efficiency even further.

By his third week of being caught up, Garrett was a bit uncomfortable. He feared that he wasn't productive because he was actually getting home in time for dinner every night. Feeling in control was making him nervous!

FAULTY THINKING: Mistaking 'Busy-ness' for Productivity

Garrett needed to remind himself of his real priorities, both on the job, and at home. Once he assured himself that he was pulling his weight at the clinic, he could relax when he had a few minutes in the day to breathe. It wasn't necessary or desirable to be frantically behind on everything. Garrett also could take advantage of having evenings free to be with his wife as he wanted.

THE SOLUTION: Specific Activities and Structure

Since Garrett was most comfortable at work when he always had something to do, he was given a coaching "assignment" to create templates and checklists for his diagnostic reports. These tools would increase his efficiency, but there was no pressure to create them quickly.

Giving Garrett some accountability in his home life would help reinforce his new habit of leaving the clinic on time. His wife was happy to accommodate this need for structured activity by signing them both up for bridge lessons two evenings a week.

ARE YOUR INSTINCTS GETTING IN YOUR WAY?

How about you? Are you behaving in a self-sabotaging way because of a need for constant stimulation - even if the stimulation is a rush of negative adrenaline? Observe your behavior and thinking, and try to become consciously aware of what you're doing and why. Then consider what replacement behavior could override the negative habit. It's the first step to coaching yourself to success.

Please let me know what your self-observation tells you!

COACHING CREATES SUCCESS
Want help in creating your new habits and behavior to dramatically improve control in your life? Consider Thrive with ADD one-to-one coaching .

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Is coaching for you? Find out now!

PHONE: 212-614-7317
E-MAIL: bonnie@bonniemincu.com
WEBSITE: www.thrivewithadd.com

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Next Class: RITUALS TO CHANGE HABITS The Secret to Effective ADD Living DATE: Wednesday, October 19 TIME: 9:00 PM Eastern Time PLACE: At home on the phone Join a Thrive with ADD's Teleclass this fall! They're all at 9:00PM Eastern time, 90 minutes long. Audio recording and notes included with every class. Watch your email for date announcements. Telephone Classes Coming Up The Next Two Wednesdays RITUALS to CHANGE HABITS The Secret to Effective ADD Living Wednesday, October 19 9:00 PM Eastern time Register now GET UN-STUCK with MIND-MAPPING For Planning, Writing and Study Wednesday, October 26 9:00 PM Eastern time Register now More classes coming in November. Does this look like your day? Ineffective ADD habits often begin first thing in the morning. You may stay in bed late to put off beginning your work day. Or perhaps you arrive at work, but spend an hour on emails and web surfing, or searching for the papers you need to begin work. Instead of making necessary phone calls, you might spend inefficient time reorganizing your call list. As your work day moves on, you jump from task to task, while papers pile up. At the end of the day, you may jumble everything in one pile, finally leaving much later than you had hoped, with much of your TO-DO list still undone. At home, you may face more disorganization, and perhaps disappointment from your family that you're not able to spend more time with them in the evening. At night, although you've promised yourself to get to bed earlier, you can't break away from what you're doing. Suddenly it's 2:00 A.M., and you're facing another day coming without enough sleep. How do you break out of this pattern?... ...Click here to find out on Wed. 10/19. MISSED a TELECLASS? You can still hear it, at your own pace, with downloadable teleclass recordings and notes! Click here to read details and register for an AUDIO CLASS RECORDING.

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