Shame & Avoidence with ADHD
“Break the Chains of Shame”
The Shame-ADD Connection
Is SHAME controlling your life?
- Do you feel unworthy and believe that each time you make a mistake, it’s one more validation of how worthless you are?
- Do you strive to be perfect in the hopes that perfection will make you seem as good as everyone else?
- Do you live in fear that others will find out how secretly disorganized, late, careless or stupid you really are?
- Has your pattern of avoidance dealing with situations after you’ve messed up led to lost money, jobs, opportunities and relationships?
If you’ve answered “yes” to at least two of these questions, then SHAME is a dominant factor in your life. You may not even be consciously aware of how strongly your feelings of inadequacy influence your BEHAVIOR. In fact, shame is such a powerful negative influence on those with ADD / ADHD that it often leads to more difficulties than ADD itself!
The Coaches’ Approach to Shame
Coaches specializing in working with ADD / ADHD Adults are well aware that low self-esteem is a common problem. The typical coaching approach is to help ADDers learn strategies to make them achieve successes and reach their goals. As people succeed, their self-esteem regarding accomplishment rises. But this approach is sabotaged when an ADDer is immersed in shame. In fact, all too often, pervasive shame keeps ADDers from learning and practicing successful strategies in the first place!
RESULTS of the SHAME SURVEY:
In February, 2006, a Thrive with ADD Survey about shame uncovered how serious the problem was. More than 500+ ADD / ADHD Adults responded to the survey. – 98% were plagued by some degree of shame – Most practiced avoidance due to shame – Avoidance made the issue worse for 65% Despite the realization that avoiding a problem caused more severe consequences, most shame-based ADDers were unable to break out of their patterns. Clearly, a solution was needed to change habitual negative thinking and self-sabotaging behavior FAST!
Break out of the Shame-Based Patterns that Sabotage Your Life
Shame poses a particular problem with ADD / ADHD Adults, compounding the challenges of procrastination and perfectionism we may already have. This combination of ADD tendencies and shame-based behavior can do significant damange to your quality of life. In this 90-minute class, you will learn:
- Why ADDers are especially susceptible to shame-based thinking.
- How to identify when your thinking is an illogical, knee-jerk shame reaction, and what to do about it.
- Why mistaken beliefs about non-ADDers’ abilities feed into a shame pattern and make it worse.
- How shame intensifies the problems inherent with common ADD traits like perfectionism, procrastination, disorganization and lateness.
- How shame keeps you operating in a powerless “victim” mode that stops you from getting ahead.
- Simple strategies you can begin practicing immediately to break your chains of shame.
Using a combination of lecture and inter-active discussion, we will talk about the origins of shame and suggest some “thought exercises” to incorporate into your lives that will help pull you out of crippling shame-based thinking. Then you’ll learn five simple – yet profound – tools to change your dysfunctional behavior patterns.
“Break the Chains of Shame” Teleclass Leaders
“Thrive with ADD” Coach Bonnie Mincu hosts this interactive teleclass featuring Business & ADHD Coach Nancy Snell.
Bonnie is the coach and founder of Thrive with ADD and has been coaching and training ADD / ADHD Adults since 2001. Bonnie has created numerous solutions-based webinar programs, telephone classes, e-books and “Thrive with ADD Workshop” for ADD / ADHD Adults. Bonnie has been giving her Workshop at New York University’s Continuing Education Division since 2004. Bonnie’s professional background includes Fortune 50 marketing management, entrepreneurship and corporate consulting, training and executive coaching. In typical ADD / ADHD fashion, she had changed careers several times by her 40’s, and as well as becoming an avid oil painter.Together, Bonnie Mincu and Nancy Snell bring a powerhouse of empathic insight combined with practical solutions to the burden that shame creates in many so many ADD / ADHD Adults. If you’ve been avoiding situations and creating additional difficulties for yourself because of shame, be prepared to change your approach, and change your life!
Listen at your convenience – 90 minutes
NOTES and AUDIO INCLUDED
- No need to take notes! Ours are easy to read and follow.
- Download notes and audio to your own computer, to listen, read and learn at your convenience.
Details to DOWNLOAD the recording and notes will be emailed to you when you register.
In the Blog
How to change your words and banish ADHD shame What you say defines you. Not just to others, but to yourself. When guilt, embarrassment, or ‘not enoughness’ of ADHD slip into your conversation, you transmit insecurity and shame. Worse, you reinforce that message to yourself. But if you pause just long enough to reconsider and Read post.
How to stay professional on screen at home If you read my earlier blog post about Zoom with ADHD, you know how Zoom has allowed us to go from in-person meetings to entirely virtual workplaces. But what I didn’t mention was the challenge a disembodied group on the screen can present for an ADHD brain. Read post.
Weird things I learned about myself from covid-19 This “life on pause” during corona-time has certainly been a time of disruption. Living in New York, I’ve been essentially in lock-down at home for almost 7 weeks now. Since I’d been running my business online from home for the last 20 years, I’d assumed that covid-19 Read post.