We're being labeled with the wrong stereotype!
If you ask anyone what they think the biggest problem ADD / ADHD Adults have, they'll probably say “procrastination.” This answer is likely to come from people with ADD themselves, as well as those who live or work with them.
Once I began coaching and training ADD Adults, I came to realize that people use the word “procrastinate” to describe any kind of not starting, without distinguishing whether they were avoiding starting because they didn't WANT to, or whether they actually weren't ABLE to. It's long been my belief that the majority of ADD / ADHD “procrastination” — especially in the workplace — was actually due to an individual feeling STUCK, mentally unable to begin. Their brain was unable to figure out where to start, how to start, what to do, or was simply overwhelmed by how much there was to do.
The results of my “Getting Started Blues” Survey indicated that I was right!
Results of “Getting Started Blues” Survey
The survey began by asking ADD / ADHD participants to distinguish between Procrastination, Distraction and Mental Paralysis in their difficulties getting started. Each phrase was clarified for its specific meaning. Respondents were allowed to choose two out of three as their top challenges.
- Mental Paralysis – paralyzed and unable to start – 62%
- Procrastination – not starting due to boredom or lack of motivation – 44%
- Distraction – tried to start but got distracted or interrupted – 38%
Mental Paralysis was picked almost 30% MORE than Procrastination as a top problem in getting started! In fact, once “Procrastination” was strictly defined as only pertaining to boredom and motivation-deficit, fewer than 50% of responders selected it as a major problem.
This was important to me, because it identified the direction and emphasis in my training program.
Ability vs Attitude
I think the main significance of these results is the implication they have regarding Attention Deficit Disorder, and the stereotypes society has about us. As long as we could be seen as primarily having a “procrastination” problem, it could be argued that ADD was simply an excuse for laziness, of lacking the discipline to get ourselves to do things that weren't fun or interesting.
“Mental Paralysis” as the most-chosen response identifies an issue with the executive functioning of the brain as the primary difficulty. The exact nature of the difficulty varied by individual and was further defined in subsequent questions. But it removed the lack of getting started from the realms of “poor attitude” and “laziness” of which people with ADD / ADHD have long been accused.
What makes us the most stuck or paralyzed?
I broke down the possible reasons for paralysis into 8 primary answers. Not surprisingly, “Overwhelm” was the most-chosen reason people stayed stuck, at 68%. Other reasons having to do with brain functioning on the “how to” front were:
- Inability to prioritize – 38%
- Don't know where / how to start – 33%
- Inability to plan out the project – 22%
Anxiety or emotion-related paralyzing factors arose from:
- fear of the outcome – 25%
- difficulty working with ambiguity when aspects of the project were unclear – 18%
- shame creating avoidance – 15%
Disorganization played a significant role in keeping people from starting. When people couldn't start because they had to do another step first, for 47%, the first step was to find or organize what was needed.
Perfectionism was identified by some as contributing to fear of starting, or belief that no effort could be good enough.
See complete results on the “Getting Started Blues” Survey.
Mark
Wow! This is me to a tee. This is an incredible distinction. Since my diagnosis, I’ve used the word procrastination to define my inability to start or finish tasks and projects, but it never really sounded correct. I have often sat and “thought” about a task for significant periods of time without actually “doing” anything. I wasn’t procrastinating. Paralyzed is a much better word.
People without ADD simply do not understand what this is like. They can’t fathom that I can’t simply “will” myself to get something done.
Thanks for the post Bonnie. I always learn something when I read your blog, usually about myself.
Bonnie Mincu
Mark: That’s exactly the problem I’ve found with discussion about procrastination. People feel guilty because they think they’re exhibiting weak character, when often they’re really unable to figure out how to start. It really is a matter of learning how to process by using simple mental tools and then everything falls into place. Paralysis challenges are actually easier to break through than procrastination issues, once you learn how!
I’m looking forward to teaching how to break through all of it in my new program (to be announced really soon!)
Sean
I am very impressed with the results of this survey, despite the fact that I didn’t even take it. I am re-assured by Bonnie’s suggestion because, at different times of my life I employed the coping skill she mentioned that helps with paralysis: organization of space (clearing the clutter) and ideas (creating a visual – flow charts etc.) . Still, I often got distracted during that first stage of organization and then I’m in trouble anyway.
I totally agree with Bonnie and the results of her survey, and I’m going to try my best to employ the coping strategies that I have found – in addition to informing my ADD coach! But the results of this survey, and others before it, get me thinking about how worthwhile it would be for me to personally work with Bonnie.
Thanks Bonnie and keep up the good work!
Bonnie Mincu
Thanks Sean – I’d be happy to work with you!
Good point you made about your paralysis, and how in the midst of attempting to organize, you get distracted. I like how you’ve spelled out the distinction. Our solutions are complex because we tend to suffer from procrastination, paralysis AND distraction. It’s so important to be able to tell which is happening in each instance, so you’ll know what solution to employ. Once you understand it, it’s like solving a puzzle!
jan
Thanks Bonnie, great article. I’m paralyzed on a daily basis. I work in the evening so its the mornings I have trouble with. I get out of bed but end back up there because I have so many projects going I don’t know where to start. And for some strange reason I’m worried I won’t get the project done before work. Or worried I’ll be too tired for work. I feel like I’m on a merry go round that doesn’t stop and I’m too afraid to jump off.
Bonnie Mincu
Jan, your problem sounds so familiar to me … very similar to how I was when I first started my business and didn’t yet have any clients. It was so overwhelming to think of all the projects that could / should be done that I avoided my desk and stayed in bed. Your problem IS quite solvable, but there’s not one quick answer. To start, you could check out my “Rituals” class recording.
kathleen Alexander
One of my major problems that I am not sure is related to my ADD, is that I know once I do start, I hyper-focus and add that to my perfectionism and trying to figure out a system/organization and it turns into a grueling event. This applies to my jobs, buying something or housework: I start out thinking i will just, for example, wipe the spots on the wall and then, once I do start, I will turn it into a huge project. Then that exhausting event makes it harder to get started doing the next tasks. I just wish I could figure out a way to function evenly so that I don’t have to feel like once I do get started,I had better not stop for fear I won’t get the mental energy to start again. Also, even when I do start earlier so that I can even out the workload, my perfectionism (or something) kicks in and I end up using every bit of that extra time because either I hyper-focus longer or my brain won’t “kickstart” until near the deadline and then I again go into a panic hyper-focus right up to the deadline. This way of functioning makes it hard to sustain a job. As I get more overwhelmed from working this way, I feel I need to leave the job while they still see me as a high performer, and that has been my pattern my entire life; I don’t want to get “found out.”
Bonnie Mincu
Kathleen, You sound like someone who tends to fall into hyper-focus for anything you start, even for things that aren’t very interesting. I’ve encountered a few ADDers like that. The more common experience is to only hyper-focus on things that interest us. You’re an example of how important it is for us with ADD to create individual solutions!
I’d suggest you think about what you do in terms of much smaller steps, rather than a big project. That way you can break it into small work sessions. And use a timer to let you know when it’s getting close to the time to end that session. For example, if your “mini-project” is to wipe spots off the walls, define your work session as ONLY the kitchen walls. Once you’re done with the kitchen, move on to something else.
Rachel H
Wow, I think I can kind of relate. It’s like I have a main thing to do that is the most important to do for the night after I get out of work. I feel like I can’t start the main thing unless I do all the smaller things first because if I don’t do the smaller things that are not as important, then I am thinking about them when i am trying to do the main important thing. When I am doing all the small things in order to get them out of the way (so I can give my undivided attention to the main thing I need to do) I get either hyper-focused on the spots on the wall I’m cleaning because while I start cleaning the walls, I see the spots on the counter top, the floor, etc. So, I then have the urge to clean the new spots I see. If I don’t clean these new spots I see, and try to do the main important thing I need to get done for the night, the same problem happens of me not being able to focus on the main thing because the new spots on the floor are bugging me and it’s like I need to take care of them or else I’ll be distracted by the thought of them all night! This really is hard for me to deal with.
The main thing that I have in my mind that I need to get done ends up getting neglected in my process to try and get everything little done so I in turn won’t be distracted by the little things when working on the main thing I need to get done. I end up working on /pretty much making it look ‘good enough’… the main project (that I had a week or more to work on at night), while riding in the car on the way to turn it in. This is bad. I can’t work like this. The small things sometimes that I need to get done (laying out my clothes for the next morning for work, making sure I have lunch made to take to work the next day) will cause a negative outcome if I don’t get them done that night. But these things take WAY too long and I end up not having much time for something that is more important to me to get done, but is due at the end of the week. How do I fix this problem? Oh also, if you haven’t noticed already, I have a problem with rambling as well.
Bonnie Mincu
Rachel: I know exactly what you mean. I like to “clear the decks” of little things during the workday before tackling the bigger problems. That’s probably why I tend to get started on the more important work in the late afternoon. In your case, I’d suggest taking an old-fashioned dial kitchen timer with you and go directly to the small task; for example, choosing your clothes. Set the timer for a short amount of time, and play “Beat the Clock” on only that specific task. Then go immediately to the next small task and do it again. Decide that you MUST obey the timer.
The other option is simply not letting yourself begin the small stuff until at least a portion of the more important project is done.
Lynette Ranger
I’m so glad to see the results of this survey! My major problem is the inability to get started due to overwhelm, inability to prioritize, and inability to decide how or where to start. But procrastination just didn’t adequately explain the problem. Now I know that I’m not alone. I look forward to getting help with these problems. Hope your training comes soon. I’ve got so much I need to get done! Thanks.
Bonnie Mincu
Now that you see the complexity of the problem, you understand why finding the solution wasn’t so easy!
Juliana
I am reading this with tears in my eyes. I never felt that I was a procrastinator and have used the word paralysis to describe to others how I feel, and my inability to begin a task. Last night I sat for two hours preparing for an assignment which was due a week ago. I kept telling myself that I had to begin but could not. Once I finally begun, I kept working and smiling. A wave of relief comes with that one small step. Perhaps now I can get working on reimbursements….. insurance… taxes, all six years’ worth!
Thank you Bonnie!
Bonnie Mincu
Wow, that must have felt wonderful. It’s SO important to be able to immediately recognize the nature of the problem. Once you do, and you know what solutions will work for you, you’ll know what strategy to use. Good luck on those taxes! (And if you’ve read the results of February’s “ADHD and Taxes” Survey, you know you’re in good company!)
Harold Woods
This NAILS it right on the head. The feeling of being STUCK has been with me ALL MY LIFE. My procrastination has been due to almost all of the paralysis reasons that you outline. PARALYSIS is EXACTLY what I have experienced.
I have great ideas for products and even children’s books but the lack of clarity and not know hot to get started or what the costs would be, or where to go for assistance have kept me from even attempting the start. WOW…PARALYSIS. Can’t wait for your training.
Harold Woods
The feeling is like being a fly buzzing around a window. You can see what you want and where you want to go, but there’s an invisible barrier (the glass) that’s keeping you from advancing.
Bonnie Mincu
Great analogy!
Chantal
Wow, I agree, it’s a great analogy, and that’s exactly how I feel.
Bonnie Mincu
Harold: You’re just the kind of person I’m creating the training for.
Judy Goyer
I agree 1000% ! Paralyzed is a more apt description than procrastination.
And I often am offended when someone, anyone really, says that I am a procrastinator i.e. the doctor, boss, spouse, family members, friends etc. Why am I offended? Because I am NOT choosing to be paralyzed, I just am. I am not avoiding doing things that I find extremely unpleasant or boring, I am just not able. The rare times that I have been able to do something unpleasant, say, the never-ending housework, I have no satisfaction in the end, just anger and a bad mood that doesn’t go away for hours! Forcing myself into the job feels like wearing an iron suit, heavy and unyielding. In the end, it is just NOT worth the effort.
Paralysis beats Procrastination as problem for ADD / ADHD Adults, according to “Getting Started Blues” Survey | ThriveWithADD Blog « addpositively
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Judi
The results of your survey bring validation to my “overwhelming paralysis” that blocks the wonderful progress I would quickly show… and not be blamed from procrastination.
Short of a stick of dynamite, your suggestions are the only encouragement to get me moving. Your blogs are great. I see I’m not alone.
Bonnie Mincu
Great Judi! I’d love you to share a success!
Yo
As a teacher, I have ongoing piles of marking and preparation needing attention on a daily/weekly basis. People often criticised me for procrastinating by saying that if I put my mind to it, I’d be able to do it. Everyone, they say, has to do boring things – why are you any different?
I really identified with what people wrote in here – I feel STUCK so often! It’s the first step that’s the hardest, and once that’s passed, I can usually carry on happily, but getting to that point is sheer torture! I feel how Mark described it – I sit around for hours, doing nothing, and paralysed by my inability to just start! Even when I know I’ll handle the job fine once I’ve started, despite its boring, monotonous nature! That’s not procrastination or laziness!
Bonnie Mincu
I hear this problem a lot with business people who must regularly submit expense reports. This monotonous work is the hardest for us, no matter how “easy” it may seem like it should be. I wonder if you’d find it easier to grade papers in a more stimulating place than home. Perhaps a cafe? (I realize that solution would be difficult if you live in a small town and are likely to have people you teach see you grading the papers there.)
Olga
OMG, I got a third reminder from finance to submit my credit card expenses.
I have corporate credit card for three months now. The sheer thought of even starting to submit those expenses makes me physically nauseous 🙁
I have no idea why but I honestly prefer root canal treatment than doing this and I am insanely afraid of dentists.
It sounds crazy, right?
Bonnie Mincu
I think hating to do expense reports is universal. I certainly dreaded them when I worked corporate. I actually use expense reports as one of the examples in the Pathfinder lessons… I believe it’s in the lesson on “Breaking Down a Complex Project.”
If you come to a live Pathfinder Office Hours call, you can ask me to coach you through how to approach doing the expense report.
Doug Hartley
Absolutely Dead On!!
I have never really thought of it in those exact terms but its a perfect description. My mind goes totally blank, like a white screen on the TV. Don’t know what it would take to actually put my mind in gear. Paralysis has been a major problem for about as long as I can remember, even back to kindergarten.
Bonnie Mincu
Doug, that “white screen” quite the colorful description! Next step, to determine what it will take to put your mind in gear. I’m actually working up a cool tool for that — at Starbucks, of course!
Why Can’t I Get Off My Lazy Ass?
[…] According to her Getting Started Blues survey here. […]
Chantal
I’m paralyzed for everything that doesn’t have a deadline. Only a deadline will get me out of this paralyzed state. I will do the task at the last minute, it will be pure torture, but I will not miss a deadline…that’s probably why I still have a job, that’s what saves me. I may do a lot of paper shuffling, but the job will get done somehow, don’t ask me how, but I’ll be able to snap out of my paralyzed state to meet the deadline. I just wish there was a deadline for personnal projects I’d like to start…and also for cleaning my house… actually there is, when someones calls and say they will stop by… my house will be spotless by the time they get here, even if I have to stay up all night. That’s why I hate people who drop by unannounced, my perfectionnist side can’t stand others seeing how unclean my house can be, not because I like it that way, but because I can’t get started. It’s all in my head what I have to do, but my body just won’t follow, I’m stuck, I just can’t get started…
Bonnie Mincu
Chantal, you say it so very well, what’s on the minds of so many of us! And I certainly can relate to your comments about deadlines… especially when it comes to housekeeping! Rituals will be a big part of the solution.
Julie L
Chantal has just taken the words and thoughts right out of my mind/mouth. Seriously DEAD ON! I am so glad I found this blog. I hope I can learn something that will help me. I was just diagnosed with ADHD this year. It has been quite eye opening. The word “procrastination” always felt like an excuse to me because although I sat at my desk all day thinking about it, I was never active in starting the task. I’d tell myself ‘tomorrow you’ll attack it first thing’ but then it turns into a week then two and I start to worry and panic that I’m going to lose my job once someone learns I’m not getting these tasks done. If it weren’t for the deadlines I’d probably be unemployed.
Bonnie Mincu
Julie: You just missed my 4-week class on Procrastination Transformation, separating out solutions for all those reasons we don’t get started that just LOOK like procrastination! If you’re subscribed to the blog you’ll find out about the training coming up.
mag
Looking at these article and comments, this ADD is a typical type 9 enneagram’s issues. Have you reasearch about enneagram and its connection to ADD? I just find out today that from an ebook, screenshot http://screencast.com/t/Spwi9DHT
I am a type Nine, and i am disgusted on its ‘weakness’
Bonnie Mincu
Sorry, I know MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Inventory) but I don’t know enough about the enneagram to comment. Though these categories tend to all have both strong and weak points. Weaknesses is often a strength used to excess.
Beth Cannon
Love the line: “Weakness is often a strength used to excess”. Will definitely be delving into your blog! FINALLY points about procrastination vs mental paralysis that resonate with me. Thank you!
Michelle
Hi Bonnie, there are no words to express how deeply I’ve been affected by your blog! I’ve only read a few things, but they have created such a complete mind shift that the tears shed have washed away my struggles forever!
One mind shift came after reading this post about “procrastination” (aka-paralysis!)
I have a to-do list. The mind shift was realizing that many of the tasks on the to-do lists are actually projects with many steps, not just individual tasks! Once I looked at “make lip balm” and realized I could itemize the steps, I then was able to prioritize the steps and find the tiny starting task! I was then FREED from paralysis and off and running!
Thank you a zillion times over! For the first time in my life at 47(!) I feel understood and hopeful that I can put some tools and systems in place to help me overcome! Looking forward to getting your self-coaching workshop when my budget allows! Can’t wait to receive new posts from you!
-Michelle near Seattle
Bonnie Mincu
Michelle, I’m so glad to read how this has helped you! I’ll be doing some free training videos and my live online “Procrastination Transformation” program in late summer / early fall. I think you’d get a lot out of that!
Kesley
Thanks for this. I’ve been scouring the internet for something like this.
I’m not exactly sure if some form of ADD is my issue, but I have done extensive reading for years and fit many symptoms also I have been prescribed Adderall and it worked wonders, despite some drawbacks.
I can literally plan out every single aspect in my head of something I have to do from beginning to end. I’ll make lists after lists. I’ll psych myself up by giving meaning and purpose to the task and I do feel motivated… But when it comes to the actual execution… I just freeze. There’s like a disconnect when it comes to actually doing things. I’ve been trying to figure this out for years now.
Bonnie Mincu
Kesley, you are certainly describing mental paralysis. As an ADHD Coach, I’m sure there is a way to figure out what’s making you freeze up by asking the right questions. My Procrastination Transformation program is coming up in the Fall, which would help.
Abder
An interesting article. It’s been 3 years now and it still continue to attract comments!
I think “procrastination” is a general word masking many issues: depression, for eg. could lead to chronic procrastination…
From my experience, I found emotional overwhelm to be mostly the cause of procrastination: Starting a task is related to experiencing some painful emotions, and then, a strategy of avoidance took place ( looking for more satisfying emotions).
This process, repeated again and again, will make the avoiding behaviour running automatically and in the blink of an eye.
Someone said: whenever I think of starting something, I found myself surfing the net, watching tv or eating a snack!
A useful tool is to liberate oneself from the fear of having to finish what you start, which is overwhelming especially for ADD people: “just start without expecting yourself to finish.”
Any useful strategy might begin by self awareness: to be aware by the flood of feelings related to starting, finishing a task.
Bonnie Mincu
Spot on! Self-awareness is absolutely CRITICAL to being able to break out of the trap of not being able to get started. I have a whole training program on solutions for Procrastination and Mental Paralysis (which includes Overwhelm, Shame, Fear and a host of other ADHD action-stoppers.) The cornerstone of it is self-awareness.
tvc
this isnt taking in the hyperactivity part !!!
My papers and reports are always late it it sucks but its because when i am writing or thining about the topics I wouldm go way too deep and specific and spend hours on research I wont even use on the paper. Other times I get way sidetracked and go way off topic causing me to waste hours. On top starting the paper super late doesn’t give me much room to get to the potential due to silly mistakes 🙁
turkworks
I just found out I have ADHD seven months ago. I found this article by googling “ADHD and emotional paralysis”. That’s exactly how I’m feeling right now. I’m starting a new medication next week so I stopped taking my old medication. Not being on medication, my brain has just completely shut down. It feels impossible to do anything except eat and sleep.
akiya
thank you so much for the enlightenment….
i would like to ask you about the solution of the above problems….. 🙂
Olga
I am amazed by your blog and your website in general. Feel like most of it describes me so accurately. Just signed up for Pathfinder last night and looking forward to it. Thank you for giving hope to frustrated adults who were so weary of failin. I can see the light now 🙂
Bonnie Mincu
Olga, I’m glad the material resonates with you! And I’m looking forward to getting to know you in the Productivity Pathfinder program. One of the first lessons in the program deals with the procrastination / paralysis issue.
Natasha
I’ve struggled with this paralysis my entire life and as yet haven’t found a solution, so I may well try your coaching. It’s such an issue for me as it affects my life significantly. If I actually achieved everything that I thought through in my head, then I’d be amazing! But every time despite planning in my head what to do and making lists of what needs to get done, I always end up doing nothing or none of the really important things. I get so down about this. Paralysis is exactly what it is – I just can never seem to bring myself to start. I’ve always likened doing anything as crawling through a field of barbed wire i.e. it’s never a pleasant feeling. I wrote this poem to express how it feels for me…
A poem called “The battle”…
Living is a field of barbed wire
Every moment every day
Every action meets its end
At the edge of the field
The centre deadened by nonchalance
The never crossed path
To venture is certain death
To be a statue is poison
This is the battle field never chosen
Bonnie Mincu
Natasha, that’s an amazing poem! Thanks very much for sharing it. I hope you join my training program to break through ADHD paralysis in Jan. 2019.
In ADHD Getting Started Blues Survey, Overwhelm Wins Again
[…] ran my first survey in 2012. At that time, the primary problem for ADD adults was thought to be procrastination. […]